He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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