I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
