Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
