Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
