Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
