I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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