forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
