At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
