don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
