did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
