Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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