I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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