I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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