I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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