found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
