you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
