Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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