Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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