guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
