My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
