I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
