i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
