I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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