I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
