K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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