My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
