I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize