i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
