we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
