Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
