Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
