if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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