hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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