we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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