Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
