Your face is a jimmy john
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
