Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
