piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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