thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
