One girl and one boy is just not enough.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
