The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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