So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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