Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
