Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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