i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
