He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
