are you so shy because you have an std?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
