I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
