You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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