I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
