Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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