I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
