i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pooping to opera.
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