If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
