Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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