I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
