I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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