All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
