508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
