I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
