hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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