so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
