So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
