This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
