I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
