sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
