I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
