Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
