i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
