dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
