I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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