It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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