wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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