Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
how drunk are you?
Several
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
