My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
